Finding Balance
As someone with fibromyalgia, my life is all about balance. Extremes on either end of the spectrum send my symptoms into overdrive. Too hot, too cold, too loud, too bright, too anything almost is not good. When I get out of balance in any part of my life, I feel it both mentally and physically. Like a boat listing precariously to one side, being out of balance for long is beyond uncomfortable.
Almost as soon as I recognize the anxiety of “out of balance” creeping in, experience sends me looking for the area that has gone awry. Am I eating things that make me feel bad? Saying yes to things I don’t need or want to do? Without realizing it, have I missed spending time with family, keeping up with basic responsibilities, taking my vitamins?
In fact, sometimes, all it takes to get me out of balance is too much social media, too much television, or not having enough real discussion with my spouse.
Good health for anyone is all about a balance of the best things in life.
Consider the two sides of the coin. Too much sun creates sunburn and dehydration. On the other hand, not enough light can create depression and be bad for your health. One glass of wine is good, but overindulgence can lead to alcoholism or just acting foolish. We are advised to get enough exercise, but obviously getting enough rest is also vital.
You have probably heard the adage “too much of a good thing.” In my family we call it “too much birthday.” No matter what day it is if someone overdoes it or over indulges, over the top anything and it creates negative results, it is too much birthday.
In particular, out of balance relationships take a huge toll on our health, because they are too much birthday every day.
First, if you are like a ping pong ball bouncing between dramas in an unhealthy relationship, you might need to stop where you are and get things right. Do you have a voice in your relationship? Is your relationship too consuming, violent, angry, or indifferent? Ask yourself, what part is created by you?
Whatever is out of kilter, you have a few choices. Fix it, end it, or suffer, right?
First, get some perspective. Consider every good thing about your relationship. Are your needs being met? Do you bring out good things in each other? Is it just a lull or a full on mistake?
Consider these posts for help with relationships: Strength and Boundaries, what we allow or A Better Love Life.
Out of balance relationships aren’t limited to the romantic type either.
Drama relationships, whether friend or more than friends, create great anxiety and stress. In truth, these relationships affect our health, our mental well being, and drain our energy.
Your good health is a basic need, so you will need to protect your life balance by choosing good relationships.
The best response to a drama relationship is to step out of it, get some space. If you need to, just refuse to participate. However you choose to proceed, I am not talking about a big scene. It is simple. You are entitled to peace of mind and good health. Your life is worth it. Practice saying “No,” and “No thanks.” Don’t explain yourself or make excuses. You don’t need one. In face, you could also just say, “I need some space.” You are in charge of your environment.
If you are a quiet, kind, or non conflict kind of person, then the dramatic personality will take a toll on you. Get someone to help you remove or sidestep these relationships and find something else to concentrate on.
An out of balance relationship is Kryptonite to good health.
I once had a friend tell me that he thought he was my Kryptonite. Considering that generally I am a calm positive person, my interactions with him were revealing. Any time we spent together, after a while my good attitude began to suffer. It might be days or weeks, but eventually my worst self would emerge. From my standpoint, it seemed he was never happy or ready to be on board until I was at my wits end and had moved on from whatever current negative was happening. I always felt like it was a backwards confusing relationship, and I couldn’t find a personal balance between the good and not so good, happy versus depressed.
Over time, I have realized that particular relationship was always out of balance. We never found a happy medium and coast along breeze, because our lifestyles did not fit together and there was too much baggage. Too much drama, not enough peace.
From that relationship I learned we need more than love to make something work. It takes two people to make a relationship function in a healthy balanced way. Most importantly, you won’t coast without needing to pedal at some point. The best relationships take some work to keep the balance.
If you feel unsettled or anxious, figure out what area is out of balance.
What are you not taking care of right now? Is it yourself? Your home? Your finances? Your peace of mind? Your physical person? Stop and take care of it the best you can. Put out the fires and take the wheel of your ship.
Finally, the best thing you can do for your health and peace of mind is to surround yourself with people, places, work, and things that bring out the best of you in the first place.
Then, cultivate a healthy balance of these, the best things in life.
Finding balance barefoot and writing,
Kim
You might also enjoy: Healing and Coping Skills for lasting change.
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