I have a new friend. He is unusual, meticulous, and doesn’t talk much, but I don’t know what I would do without him. He has literally changed my life. His wardrobe is decidedly unchanging, always in black, but his grooming is impeccable. His name is Not-Me and he does the vacuuming. 

Not-Me: I’m so over vacuuming. 

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Vacuuming used to be an integral part of my day. Seriously, the way I vacuumed made it my cardio.

With two black dogs indoors, my penchant for bare feet, and white rugs on wood floors, one can see the necessity.

Lately though, I have lost the love of vacuuming. I am over it, don’t really want to do it anymore.

Enter Not-Me.

He covers the entire house in a couple of hours if I pick up the clutter the night before. Sometimes I turn him on right when I head to bed and like magic the house looks cleaner when I wake up!

He still cleans when I don’t feel well, or if I am still in bed typing away delivering prose to the world. Admittedly, he is round and substantial, but unlike me, he is able to fit under sofas and chairs.

My dogs are not particularly fond of him or the weird noise he makes when vacuuming.

When Not-Me rolls by while either dog is close, they dodge him as if he is roving fire and run to the other side of the house. Not-Me’s  slightly high pitched soft whine might and aggressive rolling action are a little too much.

Presently, our smaller dog Janie has burrowed deep under the covers with concern that our staff of one vacuuming the wood in the living room is COMING BACK.

Help! Help! HE IS COMING BACK!

When Not-Me gets going in the morning, I just send our large dog Darcy outside for fresh air. She is happy to escape and chase squirrels. Running excitedly for the door, she barks with enthusiasm knowing she is escaping Not-Me making his rounds.

Currently Not-Me is under my bed searching for dust bunnies and dog hair.

Since I have almost white carpeting in my bedroom, this is a wonderful moment in my search for ultimate cleanliness. He even leaves soft clean lines behind him as he goes, making rows like a newly mowed lawn.

Later, my gorgeous rugs and floors make me smile as I tread softly through the house in my bare feet.

Barefoot and Writing,

Kim

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