You can’t sail with the wind if you are dragging your anchor along the bottom of the sea.
How many hours and days have been wasted dwelling on all the things you think you have done wrong, or worse, how you have been wronged?
For someone who talks about confidence, liking ourselves, and being our best selves everyday, I sure can mess things up sometimes. In fact, every lesson I write about has a basis in first hand experience in some way.
I have screwed up…a lot, and just like everyone else, I struggle with self esteem and self image. I truly appreciate that I have a forum (this blog) to work through issues or I would spend time in therapy instead.
Sometimes I say things that I wish I hadn’t, or occasionally, I get impatient and do the bull in the china shop thing. It’s rare, but if I am super tired, pushed beyond what I can handle (or had that second glass of wine), and someone crosses that big line with me, I might just let it rip. It’s so rare that it freaks people out, because normally I am patient to a fault.
When I do let something get to me and express myself in an over the top way, I apologize. I forgive if the other person is also at fault, but then I have to let it go.
Refocusing our attention on something besides ourselves and the wrongs in our lives takes intention, but it brings freedom.
It brings freedom. When we focus on something besides ourselves, our failures, our negative feelings, we feel free and less weighted down. We are more successful!
My husband and I are brilliant at focus. We can get on a project and work at it for weeks without taking a breath. Focus is great.
In contrast, self focus, especially negative self focus, is an anchor that drags us down. It is a weight and causes stress and hinders good things from happening.
Insecure folks spend a lot of time thinking about how to make others like them, how to get attention, how they look to others, how to impress or be included, or the depression side of it. They obsess over how they have failed or worse, how people have failed them.
Failure focus is attention turned inward, and leads to depression, defensive behavior, and health issues. It is an anchor weighing down the soul.
True humility sees the worth and dignity of all people (including yourself). It is a freeing thought to know that all people includes you. My family is brilliant at this. They see the worth in people and it makes me proud to be a part of such a cool family.
You are not a failure. You failed. Say I am sorry. Move on. If your failure was in the past, deal with it or let it go. Most people you think you have failed don’t even remember it.
Deal with the issue right now. Most “failures” lead to some other success or life lesson. Failure is just experience.
If someone failed you, forgive them. They are human like you. Everyone makes mistakes. (I know, I don’t know what they did, or what you did, but it is weighing you down like an anchor dragging along and slowly grinding you to a halt .)
Let it go, turn your attention away from yourself, away from experiences that you perceive as failure.
Don’t waste today thinking about yesterday. You only get this day once. Make it count.
Get to doing someone good for your fellow man (Yes, that includes being a happier person). What does it accomplish to dwell there? Who does it help? Better yet, who does it hurt?
Once more: how many hours and days have been wasted dwelling on all the things you think you have done wrong, or how you have been wronged?
The people it hurts are the ones you love as well as yourself. Decide to quit being mad at them, mad at yourself, and LET IT GO. Turn your attention to the good stuff instead, and refocus.