I have found someone who gets me and believes in real love. Do you have someone who gets you?
To be honest, I have never been very good at the world’s version of love. Oh, I have always loved my family. In fact, it is a defining trait in my life. But, I was not very good at dating or having a boyfriend. It is far too complicated to try to explain this failure. Suffice it to say, I have a poets heart and found it difficult to date and approach love lightly. If I got to the point where I was in, then I was all in, and it was overwhelming. I am thankful that God put me with someone who gets me and believes in real love.
Without question, there is no substitute for a relationship where two people understand each other at the core and still like each other.
Most people I talk to crave a real connection and the accompanying emotions. It is a human need, a deep desire.
Wanting to feel something powerful explains the allure of things like romance novels or romantic movies. The surge of emotion we get when something in a story rings true is like a jolt of emotional uppers. When we connect with the story, it is electric. We connect because we crave being understood by someone ourselves.
When I was wandering alone in the world without the love of a partner, I would sob uncontrollably reading or watching romances. I felt what was missing in my own life.
What is the love you choose? Think about the relationship you have now or had in the past. Are you choosing well for yourself? Is it satisfying and fulfilling?
The love I choose for myself now at its foundations is an agreement to love. It is an understanding, both beautiful and unwavering. We share the responsibility of loving one another, the joy, and the maintenance. We have chosen each other.
My husband says I am steadfast, that the world in my focus is black and white, no grey areas of love or God. It is true that I am decisive and all in, don’t like waffling. I was moved by my husbands characterization of me. Although I don’t always do it right, he sees me and sees my intentions. He sees my intention is to do the right thing for the right reason, to apologize when I am wrong, to do my best. We are sharing love. It is give and take, an equal partnership.
Agreeing to love someone is an act of giving up your selfish desires and finding common ground.
Clearly, my understanding of true love is that it is unselfish. True love the way God designed it is not natural to us as self serving people. Taking that idea further is learning to treat someone as an equal partner, and loving both ourselves and another enough not to hurt people is almost an art form.
You don’t disappear into someone or make your life completely about someone else. The two of you share life. You work on what you do best with one another or not, but come together to create family as a team. Love is shared and unselfish, but also a working relationship.
For some people, their example of a healthy relationship comes from their parents’ good marriage.
But, for others, not so much. Without a healthy relationship as an example, how do we know how to do it right? It takes a commitment to figure it out and work at it.
God is the best example of real love. He doesn’t change and as wrong as I get things sometimes, my belief in his love and wisdom have been dug deep. The example of God’s love is that his love endures. I can trust him. He has my best interests at heart.
In the best examples of partner relationships, partners make decisions together because they have agreed to. Decidedly and with conviction, both are all in.
Trouble comes when one person is not all in. If you are in this type of relationship, you are missing out on something beautiful. It is unsatisfying and unfulfilling and will probably lead to heartbreaking loss. Save yourself a lot of heartache and require equal commitment. Obviously, don’t marry someone who is not all in. Hopefully, you won’t date or live with someone who is not all in either. It is hurtful, and one sided relationships don’t last.
Respect yourself enough to be clear about what you want and be willing to move on from someone who doesn’t want the same thing. Trust me when I say I know how difficult this is, but respect yourself and your boundaries.
There are many resources for learning to love, but it starts with the agreement to love and then working at it.
You’ve probably heard the lines that love is not selfish or unkind, does not act unseemly, protects, and endures from the biblical passage I Corinthians 13. If you really look at the full passage, it is profound and beyond the natural inclinations of men or women.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.
Truth, unselfishness, protective, trusting, and for that matter trustworthy…love is no small thing.
It is worth the effort to pray these verses over yourself, your marriage and or partner. Sincere prayer gives time and voice to the exhortation of another person. It is a powerful act of real love.
Most importantly, the start of a healthy relationship is the desire to have one. The next step is to work at it.
When I say that, I don’t mean work on them, but instead work on yourself and how you interact. Above all, pray, commit, and communicate. (Of course, it makes a difference to choose your partner well in the first place, because to be content or happy in a relationship takes effort.)
There is so much that can be said about relationships here. It would take many posts, many pages. But, start with respect. Treat your partner the way you want to be treated. Give them attention and communicate your needs. Keep it between the two of you.
If you want to feel real love, then ask. God is the example and designer. If you are not in a relationship, ask God for the right one.
God designed us to love and be loved! He gave us physical love and beauty, attraction, and emotion. What an incredible gift to feel something so indefinable!
Not only did God design love and the accompanying emotions, he designed bodies and brains. It is his plan for us to pair up and give love, make love, and make families.
You deserve someone who gets you and believes in real love and that person deserves the same from you.
If you don’t have one, just ask. Humbly, gratefully, and with conviction, ask God for real love and to prepare you to receive it. Ask him. He will answer.
I am truly grateful for the love in my life who gets me and believes in real love.
Barefoot and writing,
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