Rowing the relationship boat, Part 1
A couple of people get into a row boat. Both sit down, arrange their belongings, adjust their seat, and look at each other. At that moment, they are just two people sitting in a *row boat. It is not a relationship boat, …yet.
Boat Number One
First, until someone picks up the oars and starts to row, the boat is still moored at the dock.
Until someone picks up the oars, it isn’t even a date.
After spotting a pursued partner to be in the boat, the Rower picks up the oars by inviting the Pursued to join him or her in the boat.
Rowing might begin with a suggestion that the two people in question meet and have a lunch or go on a date.
Possibly the Rower calls or texts to chat. The Rower suggests an outing or takes the Pursued to a favorite place. They spend time together. Eventually, He or she might want the Pursued Partner to meet some of his/her friends.
Which person are you? The Rower or The Pursued?
Stop and answer this question. Who picked up the oars and is rowing the boat in your possible relationship boat?
If you are already in a relationship, how did it start and who is keeping it going? If you are doing the rowing, you are THE ROWER. You have set the tone, the style, and the assignment of the two people involved.
If you are the Rower, you will have to continue to row and do the work to keep it going, unless you put down the oars.
Lets look closer at Boat Number One.
The Pursued Passenger chose to climb into the Rowers boat or says no. For our purposes, let’s imagine he or she said yes.
Once in the boat he or she finds a spot and reclines, taking in the scenery, smiling at the person rowing, relaxing into the moment, and comments on the beauty of the lake.
Take note: the Rower is doing the work, the Pursued is leaning back, relaxing in the moment.
The Rower feels happy surrounded by all the beauty he/she now notices, because The Rower sees the Pursued feeling good and glowing.
The Rower feels a little mesmerized when the passenger tells him/her how warm the sun is, and how much he or she is enjoying the journey.
This is how a possible relationship begins.
They are in a Dating Boat together.
The Rower is the one who has the oars in hand. The Rower has taken up the leadership in the possible relationship. Proud and in charge of where things might go, the Rower takes them on a journey.
The Rower courts the pursued.
Both have jobs, love their kids, hobbies, or fur babies, work hard, but in their dating relationship, the Rower is the pursuer who rows the boat.
The glowing Pursued Passenger creates breathing room for both of them by focus on a life outside the two of them. It is refreshing and relaxed for both.
The pursued is also very attractive because he/she can do it without The Rower, but chooses to let The Rower row their Dating Boat.
All the boats want this lovely passenger as their Pursued Passenger, and The Rower feels like a conqueror because the passenger chose him or her.
Feeling needed, strong, smart in the Pursued’s presence is intoxicating and produces mystery and excitement.
Boat number two.
At some point, the Rower docks the row boat and gets a larger boat, a sail boat that requires more finesse and experience.
It is called The Relationship Boat and they get on board.
The Rower takes the helm and sails his passenger farther out into relationship waters. The Rower is now a Sailing Captain. He doesn’t want another boat to come by and try to court his Pursued.
The Pursued begins to add to the experience, but doesn’t take over.
Smooth sailing so far.
The relationship boat has two occupants; both have roles on the boat.
If you are a softer feminine energy, you are a passenger and should be pursued.
Recline, lean back and enjoy it. Help when asked, show off your navigating skills, but don’t try to push the boat along. It is a sail boat. Focus on your purpose and goals when you are not sailing. Your life outside of the boat gives you confidence, focus, energy, and joy. You are mesmerizing.
If you are a male energy person looking for a partner, you should be a Rower/Captain and pursuer.
Pick up the oars and court your choice of boat occupant. Row with authority and keep your occupant safe and adored.
You should not have to beg someone to get in your boat, or back in your boat.
You should not have to beg someone to Row your boat. If they are not rowing, then either you are rowing or they are not for you. See part 2.
You should not injure someone in your boat.
Be considerate, don’t be needy, and enjoy the journey.
As always, if you are focused on living your best life, love will certainly find you.
Across the lake, a second scenario is taking place in another Dating Boat. The waters are not as smooth. There is confusion over who has the oars. Part 2 on Feb 13 click here.
Barefoot and writing,
*Authors note: I first heard of the words row boat from a relationship coach named Rori Raye. The visual stuck with me all these years. AS far as I know, our treatment of the idea and vocabulary are different, but I have to footnote that the original visual reference of a relationship as a row boat idea was hers. If you want further information on the subject, look up Rori Raye. She has a unique perspective on all things relationships.
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