Sometimes, I close the castle gates and answer with tough love. It is one of my responsibilities to protect the family.
Our family is not very big and after much loss, my husband and I appreciate one another and value our relationships beyond most else. So, I am careful to not allow junk in our midst. It is an unspoken agreement that we not only encourage one another, but also protect each other.
When someone’s drama and destruction comes near our family, we have learned to close the gates and protect our family life.
If someone does something hurtful to me or my family and continues to do so, I change my posture toward that person. First, if I am able, I put a stop to their destructive behavior where it affects us. If the relationship is not mine personally, I try to express my concerns and we talk about it. Not always easy, but getting easier as we get older.
Not allowing people outside our circle to dump their baggage on our doorstep on a daily or weekly basis is a way to live a healthier, more peaceful life.
Sometimes people need to solve their own issues, and we also need to not allow their issues inside our castle. When you are raising children or caring for grandchildren, it is your duty to protect them which may include protecting them from other people’s baggage.
What do I mean by that? Anger at someone from the past, a negative relationship, addictions, spoiled “it’s all about me” attitudes will handicap and affect your kids and family.
Your kids or grandkids are more important than people’s issues. (They are more important than yours.)
I was in ministry a long time, spent many years helping those who needed it on a personal basis. What we learned is that some people are in real need and just need a little help. We also learned that some people are in horrible situations because they are too selfish to care about their families or anything beyond their own wants and desires. Those people will happily let you solve their problem only to create it again, bigger than it was before.
In my opinion, we are primarily responsible for our own homes and families. When we reach out and help others, it should not be at the mental and emotional expense of our children and other responsibilities.
No matter what part you play, what position you hold, if you are an adult, you are responsible for your home and it’s inhabitants: People, animals, work, home ownership. It is not charming or endearing to be an irresponsible man-child or woman.
Your castle, your responsibility. My castle, my responsibility. I will help you, but it is your responsibility to get it together and put your family first.
When you are emotionally or mentally unstable that is a whole different story, but most people are not mentally ill, they choose every day to make it work or let it dissolve into disorder and chaos.
Hollywood has tried to make being irresponsible, selfish, abusive, or anti-adult heroic.
It is not heroic.
If you are an adult, it is time to stop blaming your parents, your teachers, your boss, your education, your environment, or your spouse. If you are a mess, you are responsible for the fix. No one is going to wave a magic wand and make you happy or a better person. It takes work.
Mental health takes effort. Having a healthy family takes work.
Hollywood sells that it is someone else’s fault if your life is not what you imagined.
“Someone owes you. Someone else should fix it.” This attitude is destructive, self serving, and won’t get you anywhere.
Honesty, kindness, responsibility, courage, love, and balance are all still the path to success. Integrity, justice, and truth are still words you want associated with your name. Hard work and respect go hand in hand.
My husband and I have learned to keep our circle small, healthy, and positive. If you choose to allow negative destructive behavior in your life, that is your business, but we cannot allow it in ours.
The power of letting go of destruction, drama, negativity, and resentment is incalculable.
Ask God to fill your castle walls with a healthy you, a healthy family. Ask him to fill all the places with happiness. Ask for joy, love, and peace. Pray for discipline, balance, and life.